I wish there was some sort of blanket you could cover yourself with but it didn’t make you warm it just provided the sensation of being covered because some nights it’s just too hot for a blanket but I need something covering me so it’s a choice between boiling to death or being completely vulnerable to monsters
It’s called a sheet? At least that’s what I do
My faith in pizza guys has gone up 123%
NO LET ME TELL YOU A STORY
So a few weeks ago I was in a hotel in Savannah with my grampa in the hospital next door, Mom was over staying with him, and the battery in the smoke detector went out so every 5 minutes it would let off this loud, high pitched ‘CHIRP’.
It was annoying as fuck, so I called the front desk to see if they had a battery for it, and they said the only thing they could do was change rooms. We’d already settled in for the night, and needed the next door rooms for my uncles the next day, so I said I’d deal. My uncles had my car in the next town over, so I couldn’t drive and get one myself.
An hour later, I’m ordering pizza and have gone insane because the damn thing CHIRPS. SO. MUCH.
So I begged the pizza guy on the phone to stop and get me a battery, told him I’d pay for the battery, and give him an extra tip for it, and he was chill with it. This adorable fucker gets to my room with the battery, opens it, asks to see the smoke detector, CLIMBS ON THE BED, CHANGES THE BATTERY FOR ME, and tests it.
My pizza was only 20 dollars, but I gave him 40 and told him to keep the change.
I am clearly not fully utilizing my pizza delivery person…..
What’s next pizza delivery hitmen
“PMS isn’t real Needy, it was invented by the boy-run media to make us seem like we’re crazy.”
Jennifer’s Body (2009)
the one thing that has stuck with me every day since my English teacher told me it in middle school is:
"When referring to someone, always say who they are before anything else about them, because being a person always comes first"
Instead of saying “the mentally ill man,” say “the man with a mental illness”
Putting someone’s characteristics (especially negative ones) before them is dehumanizing and rude. Don’t do it.
Do not wear contact lenses if you are in a situation where you may be tear-gassed. When I went through basic training, we were warned that there was a possibility the tear gas they were using could melt contact lenses.
will you marry me = a marriage proposal
will, you, Mary, me = a foursome proposal
Will you, Mary me = Cavewoman Mary helps Will recover from his Amnesia
Will, you marry me. = Will’s time-traveling partner
And people keep trying to tell me that punctuation isn’t important